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Now why would I think like that?

I was telling my friend yesterday about a blog that I had put up. In that blog I was talking about the New Jerusalem, that Great City, and how we the bride are that city.
I mentioned how that I occasionally see myself as little more than than one of the greasy little bricks, at the bottom of the wall, next to the drainage hole, where the filthy water drains out.

Now why would I have that kind of thought?7

There are many reasons:

1. I have made mistakes in my life, most of which are easily overlooked and forgotten, but some are not so easy, and I do not care who you are, or how self-righteous you come off to others, you are still a judgmental sinner like everyone else and you will judge me too.
Point here: You have not walked in my shoes, so try being honest and watch your tongue. Scripture tells me that God judges us the way we judge.

2. Raised as a "Christian", in a Christian home does not make for a perfect world. My world was far from perfect. Having done a short stint in a psychiatric hospital I was asked how long my parents had been alcoholics. The irony in that is that they would never touch the stuff. I suppose the behaviors consistent with that kind of lifestyle are not exclusive to what you drink, and doesn't that it lean itself to personal choices.

3. I believe that God desires in faith in us. It is, after all, the way we came to him, in faith.
The Faith movement, while having many sincere people, was filled with people that were really motivated by selfish greed and used faith as the momentum to walk upon those with "less" faith than they. I attended several churches like this, and one really sticks out in my mind more than others.
Yes, I was involved (for the most part I see being involved as a good thing) and therefore saw more than I needed to. I suppose, truth be known, I wanted the good life too. Unfortunately the good life was never promised anyone, and was anything but the focus of Jesus while he walked upon this earth. If a man could have had the good life perhaps it would have been the master carpenter himself, but He chose a life of simplicity. One might even think that he lived in poverty, and that may well have been. An example to support that kind of a statement is indicated when Jesus, from the cross, turned to Mary and said: Behold your son, speaking about John, and to John behold your mother. What is the importance of that? NO social security. If your family will not take care of you then you die. How that explains Jesus other kin not caring for Mary I do not know.

Bottom line here is that I walked away with the feeling that if I did not produce what the successful ones did then I would not be accepted. What you cannot see, as I write this, are the elders, standing down front, waiting for people to come to them so that they could pray for and minister to the peoples needs (In thirty seconds or less.) They were all dressed in the most expensive suits, for that demonstrated God's desire and ability to prosper you.

I can remember one sermon that became a recurring theme, and that was gaining jewels for your crown. I have found that concept to be an underlying theme in most of my spells of depression that I battle; have I done enough to gain jewels in crown, but then I rebuff that thought with have you not read Revelation, because it has the elders in heaven, not necessarily those at church, throwing down their crowns at the feet of the Saviour, and what does He need with your crown, He has one of his own I am sure.

I do not believe that God ever intended for us to get involved in perfomance orientation, for our salvation has little to do with effort on our part. Lately I speak about Islam with some frequency. Islam is strictly a performance oriented religion, with your martyrdom being the only thing that guarantees your entrance into "heaven" the presence of Allah.
Christ death paid the price for the entire planet. What I do have to do is to make Him my lord, the rest is just relationship building with the one that loved me first.

Conclusion:
Having taken the moment to continue reading in Revelation I saw something that felt like it was the first time. Revelation 21:18 says: ..and the city - pure gold, like clear glass.
There is nothing about the city, the bride, US, that is less than pure, ifallible gold in Gods eyes. A gold so refined that it appears like glass.
As I have worked toward relation building, with the one that first loved me, I am also finding out about me. The negative image that I fight off has nothing whatsoever to do with the way God sees me. Jesus voluntarily gave his blood and life for me, and you. That act alone changed everything, and yet on that day, in the twinkling of an eye, we will be changed, once again. From the moment that Christ paid that price God has only looked at us through that blood. Even with the events of the end of the age, God is looking at a people that are forgiven, and yet refusing that forgiveness and relationship.

As I have stated in other posts, I cannot imagine a life without pain and some form of anguish in life, but there is always hope, and that is the good news.

He, God, is more merciful than I ever imagined. Pray that God makes himself real to those that are deceived and outside of a relationship with Him.

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