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All your life...

I want to share some things with you that might explain where I have been for the last couple of weeks.

First I placed myself into the recovery program at my church. 

I am fairly sure I mentioned this before but it plays a significant role in how my time is spent, and how my life is changing for the better. It is called Celebrate Recovery. 

While many of the people there have issues with alcohol and drugs that is not my problem. My problem is: we have an enemy that takes pleasure in stealing, killing and destroying anything that looks like God, and since we accepted Christ into our lives and have been formed into his image we are even larger targets. I have battled with abuses, frustrations, depression, fear, self-esteem issues, and the desire to hide from it all, all my life. I imagine many of you have had comparable or worse issues and possibly handled them better than me. I reacted in rage. I believe the rage came as a result of what felt like helplessness and inadequacies. 

It has been just a little over a month now, working through a 12 step program, and I am finding that there is a joy in me that has not left me, even through the stress, for days now.
I am choosing to walk each day in joy. I am not going to lie to you, I have had my rough moments, but at the end of the day the joy is still there. I am sure that a deep understanding that Jesus Christ is the higher power and making the decision to relinquish control of trying to fix my life (trying to fix myself has not succeeded for 48 of my 60 years on this earth) and turn my life over to Jesus Christ played huge and significant roles. What a relief!

CR has forced me to adapt my schedule and that creates some new challenges for me when it comes to writing for posts. 

One of the aspects of CR, that I happen to find the most freeing, is that when we break into small groups there are guidelines that are enforced. These guidelines are meant to create a safe environment and allow everyone a chance to speak. Imagine if all your life you have felt as though you did not have the freedom to express the anguish of your heart, or by the same token not able to convey the joy you have experienced. No one is allowed to interrupt unless you are stating that you have a clear intent of hurting yourself or others. Just being able to speak without interruption has made all the difference to me. 

When your self-esteem has been thoroughly trashed just the act of being given a voice is extremely healing. 

God cares about every aspect of you. 

He cares that you have not been able to express yourself. 

Your voice was given by God as a gift, and He desires that you share the freedom inside in with others.

I pray you find that voice inside of you and the freedom to use it.

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